9-30-2010

Dearest Benjamin,

In two days, you will be one year old. One year ago, I went with your Daddy, Tim, to be with Mum as she was in labor.

At 4:00 in the morning, on the second of October, 2009, I awoke to the noise of your first struggle into the world. I puked as your head began to appear-- and I was supposed to be making Mum feel stronger. You were no easy ride.

Mum was in more pain than I'd ever seen her in in my life, but to be honest, I was afraid that your skull would be crushed, or that you'd suffocate, trapped in limbo as you were.

But, then, there you were-- what seemed a million years later.

My first thought was this: "Beautiful."

And then, "He looks just like Cary."

You did, with your funny new born head. My heart jumped as you lay on that little warming pad, as the nurse cleaned you up.

I was the first person you saw when you opened your eyes.

You were the first person I'd even seen so clearly.

You were so beautiful from the start, and you still are now.

For the first few months, I hardly saw you, and when I did, I was terrified of you, afraid I'd break you if I touched you.

Now, you're about as wild as I was, if not more of a hyperactive tot than I was-- which is saying A LOT! As I was the one who kept the police out looking for me when I ran away and decided to play hide-and-seek with the world at the Lakewood Mall.

One year.

I wore my "Star Trek" style jacket (named for weirdness, rather than true relation to the series), which I'd purchased with my friend Sammy at forever 21 recently.

I was trying to give you "Marz" for a middle name-- because it sounded cool. But, you got stuck with James like every other boy on the planet (it's a good name).

Anywhooo--- I've gotta get to bed now, as it's rather late, and I have a big APUSH (AP US History) exam tomorrow plus an essay in the same period, all in my first class-- plus my alarm goes off at 4:30 in the morning so I can make my carpool.

Anyhow, I just want you to know, that between Mum and I, your short existence has been more greatly documented than the whole of your older brother James C.'s entire life...

Mine, well, that's another story, as my Grandmother has taken care of that!

You're a lucky kid, you've got a cousins of your age, a dog to be your brother, a brother to be your dog, and an older sister who can look like your teen-aged mother when you are both in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Night then, Benoît!

À bientôt!